Life Gets Hard, And You Have Strength To Get Through It


Hi everyone! I hope you all are doing well. I’ve been struggling to write this post, and had it drafted since Tuesday. It also isn’t edited. 😐

Lately, other than busying myself with writing and any and everything that go along with that, home life took a major toll on me.

For one, I had applied to many jobs and finally found my luck- or so I thought. I went through the entire process with the staffing agency, drug test and all, two weeks ago. I had a start date, which was on my birthday!

I remembered praying to start a new job that had worked just well for my daughter and me. Imagined my surprise my prayers were answered.

Yet, like always, I allowed myself to be manipulated and controlled into believing the start date was too close to being at the end of the school year, and I shouldn’t take the job. School ends on June 6, mind you.

I never felt so much hate for a person who would constantly manipulated me into doing something they want me to do, and for me to not be able to do what I need/want to do. And, had hated myself briefly. This person is the main reason why I had to constantly take time away from my blog during the 5 years it’s been up. I was mentally drained and couldn’t focused, along with trying to understand how to even keep it going then.

Even though, I had went to the agency last week that I couldn’t start this past Monday, they said they would put me on another position starting mid-June. I’m thrilled, but know my situation will have me back to where it started; if I allowed it.

Sometimes in life you have to remove yourself from a situation to get to where you need to be. A blogger friend had mentioned this before on her blog, forgot who it was. The saying is so true and real.

Oftentimes, I would back away from people- online and offline- so I won’t give off negative vibes. No one wants that or deserve that. Sometimes, I would pretend that I’m okay and post something here and there to keep my mind off of what’s going on.

However, I know, now very much, that your problems are still present unless you do something about it. Like I mentioned before, last year on a post, this is the final straw. What more can one person do to make something better, when the other person just keep being manipulative, controlling, short tempered, and a total user.

I’m not allowed to make my own decisions or even have a life. It’s like this person doesn’t want me to have freedom, AND we’re not married.

I’m to move out in a few months for this job to better myself, and I’m told I’m needed to stay to help raised his 14 y.o. daughter that have more problems than a little bit. Since she was 12, she been sexual active, cutting herself, and doing drugs.

I can’t be here for that when she comes back this summer. Did I mentioned she ran off from me because she didn’t want to go to school, and jumped in a car with a grown man!

I apologized for dumping this load on you all. I felt like I had to say this to get off my chest. I’m sick and tired of the drama and negatively.

Please, don’t ever allowed someone to do to you what this person done to me. Be better than that, you are worthy, strong, and no one deserves mistreatment.

Enjoy your weekend.

Love you all,

Pamela 🌹

Hello Everyone! Checking In…And Birthday Light and Love 


 

Image courtesy by pixabay.com
Hi everyone! I’ve missed you all terribly. Lately, I have been working on various projects while working on bringing my blog back around. I won’t bore you with the details, but I will say that I it should be done soon. Also, what I’ve gathered, WordPress is supposed to route you to my primary domain- click here to go to my primary domain. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m working on it. Let me know if you’re having problems with the link.

Today is my birthday! Yay! Even though most of my birthdays over the years haven’t been the greatest, yet it reminded me how far I’ve come. I’m not sure what I’m doing for my birthday yet…hmm.

What have you all been up to? Let me know in the comments.

Here what I’ve been up to:

 

K. Phoenix’s Anniversary
image
Fun at Chuck E. Cheese
Happy belated Easter from my Shelley!
School Dance
Us being silly.

My daughter’s birthday this past February.

  

I have a lot of catching up to do and reading your posts. See you later loves! 💋

–Images courtesy by Pamela E. Hester

Taking One Day At A Time 


sunset
Writing this has been thought of over and over whether to post it or not. I was feeling high to low and back to low again this week. After taking to a friend of mine yesterday, I had bawled. I cried and cried in the bathroom like a baby before preparing dinner for my daughter and me. Sometimes you try with all your might to stay strong and, yet you feel hopeless.

Most of you may not know this but a few years back I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I was put on medications and even went to counseling. The counseling work wonders and I’ve been thinking about going back. The medications wasn’t too great. Either my body felt depended on them or messed me up emotionally and physically. I was either too happy for comfort or too moody. If I happened to missed a few days of taking my pills, I’ll get sick. I felt horrible. It has been almost a year since I been off the medications, yet I still take for high blood pressure.

Yesterday, waves of emptiness and sorrow swallowed me as I cried till I choked on my tears. I thought I was getting somewhere which I’m sure I was, but I have a problem with being patient. If you have worked so hard on yourself and on projects, looking for jobs, it will leave you wondering why haven’t anything surpassed yet. I am literally sick and tired of feeling like a failure and sacrificing myself cause of what? I’m not going to vent on and on, I just want to be happy and persevere onwards, while taking one day at a time.

So, I been meditating more often. I found an app called Nature Sounds. I love listening to it and it even let me mixed up the sounds. If you like the sound of rain which majority of us do, it has all types of rain sounds. Or, when you want to go to the beach like me but can’t, you can close your eyes and visualize being there; allowing your spirit to feel at peace, your mind at ease, and your body relaxed.

On YouTube, I became addicted to falling asleep while playing the meditative sounds with binaural beats in my ears while also working on my chakras. Trust me, it’s a go-to and it will help you tremendously if you allow it too.

I’m just an empathic individual who had allowed mediocre, negative people bring me back to my lowest; it’s not worth it.

I do have a challenge for you all that I’m doing too. It can be easy or hard- depends on you.

My challenge is:

  1. Let’s love on one another.
  2. Whatever may be going astray in your life, talk about it or write it down.
  3. Meditate or whatever you do to relax.
  4. Be positive. Surround yourself with positive people as well.
  5. Take a time out to do what makes you happy. We all could use a pick-me-up.
  6. Be active and proactive.
  7. Rest.

That’s it for today loves. One can only hope what the next day will bring. But, we have to take one day at a time for tomorrow isn’t promise to us.

What do you do to relax and/or how do you get through your days?

Writing Challenge (Day 25) Weird Traits Of Mines 


Oh why must this writing challenge confound me so?! Lol. I’m yet to revealed more about myself and I’m starting to feel fine with that.

I have always seen myself as different not weird. Yet, I have even have a few to called me creepy and yes, weird too. So, here are the four traits of mines that I suppose you can call weird. Here goes:

  1. I don’t like crowds. Not sure if that means anything. I believe it’s more on being afraid of crowds. Although, I’m not claiming it. I don’t like crowds because as a child I often gotten lost within a crowd. So many people. So many times being lost. I’ve gotten lost so much that to this day I will avoid them at all costs; if I could. I even gotten trampled on by a crowd at church while kneeling at the altar. You see my point?
  2.  I always dream of bringing my imaginary friends to life. I remembered them vividly to this day. I guess even back then I like to played out my characters that I wrote. I remembered a few family members would say, “Pamela will grow out that nonsense one day, hopefully.” My parents saw nothing wrong with it, especially when I’ll walked by them with a pencil and notepad or a voice recorder in hand. I want to put these characters in books. Now, as I think about it, a writer’s characters are like “imaginary” friends. Is that weird? I don’t believe so.
  3. Paranormal and the  supernatural. I don’t bother with Ouija boards or summoned  anything. I’m just fascinated with the known and unknown. I supposed it’s because I experienced apparitions that I really wished I haven’t at an early age.

    Apparition
  4. I tend to stare up at the ceiling with my ear buds in for hours. When I’m lonely, bored, or emotional, ear buds where art thou? I haven’t noticed I had picked up this trait since I was twelve. Whatever going on, happiness, angry, sad, aroused to one of  the soothing song; I’ll lay in bed or couch and stare at the ceiling with my ear buds pretending to be somewhere else.

There you have it, four of my weirdest traits I can safely share with you all without sounding like I should admit myself.

Three-Day Quote Challenge (Day 3)


I have struggled with insecurity all my life and even in my thirties, I still have this problem. Not so much so as before, but I like I mentioned the other day about flaws, I want to love myself, flaws and all.

With this quote challenge, much thanks to Dr. Meg at Dr. Meg- writes better than she dresses, I have learned many things.

But, before I go off topic, I want to stay on the subject at hand. If you’re an Instagram viewer more than a poster like myself, you can get a glimpse on the inside of someone’s world through their photos.

Although, and one had reminded me, Instagram isn’t real life. No one wakes up instantly doll up, gorgeous, or camera ready. I would bite my lip as I viewed in on their photos. Sometimes, I want to comment and say, “show me exactly how you look”.

Why do I even care anyway? I would compared my mundane life to theirs, thinking their life is much more better, more fun than mines. Then I realized, I don’t even like posing for the camera. I don’t wear makeup much cause half of the time, I sucked at applying it on. And, I don’t like being put on display. So, what’s my problem?

  My problem is that with there being more women existing in this world than men, I feel like I have to compete. Something I don’t think no woman should EVER have to do.
But, with me I’d compared myself over and over because in retrospect, I been let down. Every other guy would say you’re pretty or whatever, but turn around while you’re in a relationship together peeping the next woman. It left you wondering what do she have that I don’t have? Am I not good enough?

Wake up everyday whether you’re pleased with what you see in the mirror or not, and love the person looking back. Have confidence in yourself.