Hi everyone! I hope you all have been doing well. My apologies for not posting in the last few weeks. Something drastic had happened that I can’t say right now. Please know that since the hurricanes that came and hit, I’m doing okay and so is my daughter. I took the first two weeks of October away from blogging and a few social media sites to do some healing and getting myself together. And to stay positive and happy. I tried getting around to reading most of your blogs, and those I didn’t, I haven’t forgotten you.
With that being said, whatever it is that you are going through or had been through, you are still alive and well. You are strong and blessed.
“What doesn’t kill us give us something new to write about.” Write it down. Sing. Dance. Do whatever gives you joy and comfort.
“I still have a long way to go, but I’m already so far from where I used to be, and I’m proud of that.” ~ Unknown
Just like any student, I’ve made mistakes throughout my spiritual journey.
Although I prefer to see mistakes as learning opportunities, below are a few things I’ve learned not to do through my years of meditation and detox weekends and constant effort to stay on the divine side of life.
1. Constantly looking for answers externally
When I started meditating regularly, I experienced heightened intuition.
Triggered by this, I constantly tried to find signs to guide every decision I made. While waiting for 11:11, feeling a butterfly landing on my shoulder, or simply finding a four-leafed clover, I was trying to find the answer outside.
I went from one spiritual teacher to another, trying to find the one who would give me the “answer.”
To have gone through the things she had endured had only made her stronger.
A fighter, warrior, and an empress,
No one can tell her that she can’t accomplish what she wants in life.
Pushing, slaying, empowering,
She won’t allow another person to be used as someone’s punching bag, bed-mate, nor personal slave.
You see, she made a vow to fight for the rights of others, like one dear soul done for her when the older woman found her battered and homeless, ready to give up on life.
A life saved, live to see another day.
Nevertheless, she will continue to pay it forward, but not without tying up some loose ends.
One particular person she simply cannot let go of the past for.
That foul, despicable person who she had known for ten years, married for three made her life a living hell.
He kept her away from her family, literally made her sick-always, and if that wasn’t enough, had an affair with her so-called best friend, and gotten her pregnant. Then the two of them had gotten married and lived a luxurious life. Her best friend knew what kind of monster her ex was to her, but she didn’t care.
After getting on her feet and doing very well for herself, she took back her power and control of her life.
She visited a church after work, sat in the parking lot for nearly an hour before deciding to go in. Once inside, she knelt at the altar, said a prayer, and felt a huge weight being lifted off her shoulders. She is grateful for her new and better life, blessed, and much stronger and powerful.
After leaving the church, she headed to a local diner where she had her usual of roast chicken, potatoes, and vegetables.
Once the last morsel of food was finished, she noticed a woman in a flowery dress with her head held down. Her shoulders are slumped. She appeared depleted.
She asked for the check, paid for it, and falters over to the woman. Something didn’t feel right, a distressing feeling swaddled her, but she shook it off so she can be strong for the woman. She might be in dire need for her help.
“Hi, are you okay-” She froze. The woman who was weeping was her former friend. She could only gaze at her. The four-time beauty queen winner is sitting before her haggard, confused and unusually shy.
“Carena?” she asked quietly.
Carena turned her way holding a handkerchief in midair. Recognition dawned on her face. Her eyes widen and her mouth agape. The person she been waiting to see all this time stood before her with concern in her eyes. And dressed as if she’s doing extremely well for herself.
“Hi, Faith! It’s me. Have a seat. How have you been?” Carena said to her, suppressing a meek smile. She quickly checked her face in a pink compact mirror Faith didn’t see her pulled out. She mentally rolled her eyes.
“I’ve been great! How about you?” Faith knew that was a subject Carena didn’t want to go, but she did ask first. And, her curiosity is getting the best of her of why the ex-friend been crying and looking less than her usual self.
Carena paused. She pulled her bottom lip in and chewed on it nervously. She sighed, repeatedly glancing over at Faith. “Can I be honest with you?”
Faith nodded. Carena then continued, “My life isn’t going too well as you can see. David in prison.” Faith could only stare on in silence. Her ex-husband in prison? Music to her ears!
“Yeah, for fraud and money embezzlement. And…and for assault on a guy he used to work for. Millions of dollars he embezzled…for years. Everything is gone. I have nothing.”
After Faith did what she could to consoled Carena, even when the woman was never there for her and took what she thought was a better life, Faith said her goodbyes and stood up.
“Faith? Thanks for listening. But one more thing, you did quite well for yourself. If by chance, can I stay with you until I get on my feet?”
Seriously? What the hell! Faith screamed in her head. Everything she ever wanted to say, Carena will get it in a matter of days. She kept calm anyway. Just like with her ex-husband, Carena will get a dose of her own medicine. Let God deal with them, a voice repeated in her head as it has done for two years now.
“You know that saying, ‘payback is a bad bitch?’ Well, you will get what’s coming to you. You were never there for me and I’m done with my past. Take care now.”
And with that, Faith left Carena astounded and glaring at her back as she exited the diner.
“Yep, payback feels good. I’m better now.” She told herself as she got inside her car, finally relieved to close this chapter of her life for good.
Perhaps I’ll write with a pencil next time. 😬 It’s true you can’t erase your past; however, you can learn from it. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You learned what your strengths and weaknesses are. You will know who should remained in your past and what they have taught you. You don’t live there anymore. You are strong, courageous, and can accomplish anything.
Take care always, everyone! 🌹. —@phoenixrise1 From my Instagram.
Good morning everyone! I hope all is well. I was inspired by this quote shared by a Native American man on a Facebook group I’m in, and I wanted to share with you all. (“… grow each day with honesty, integrity, compassion, faith, and brotherhood & ‘sisterhood.'”)
This quote resonates with me because it took me back to the times when I would allow my family and a few non-family members to tell me how they thought my life should be. From the time when the States took my siblings and me from our parents to well into my adulthood, others felt the need to dictate to me. Each of the ones who did, so-called had a vision of how they saw my life is headed, or should be headed. They even had the nerve to say God told them to tell me.
Fast forward to now, I have a different mindset and have control of my life. It has taken me a while to get to this point; yet, I’m still working on self. One step at a time.
No one can walk this path for you, nor control which direction it should go. Take charge of your life and have faith and trust in yourself. This is YOUR life!