Hi everyone! I hope you all are doing well. I’ve been struggling to write this post, and had it drafted since Tuesday. It also isn’t edited. 😐
Lately, other than busying myself with writing and any and everything that go along with that, home life took a major toll on me.
For one, I had applied to many jobs and finally found my luck- or so I thought. I went through the entire process with the staffing agency, drug test and all, two weeks ago. I had a start date, which was on my birthday!
I remembered praying to start a new job that had worked just well for my daughter and me. Imagined my surprise my prayers were answered.
Yet, like always, I allowed myself to be manipulated and controlled into believing the start date was too close to being at the end of the school year, and I shouldn’t take the job. School ends on June 6, mind you.
I never felt so much hate for a person who would constantly manipulated me into doing something they want me to do, and for me to not be able to do what I need/want to do. And, had hated myself briefly. This person is the main reason why I had to constantly take time away from my blog during the 5 years it’s been up. I was mentally drained and couldn’t focused, along with trying to understand how to even keep it going then.
Even though, I had went to the agency last week that I couldn’t start this past Monday, they said they would put me on another position starting mid-June. I’m thrilled, but know my situation will have me back to where it started; if I allowed it.
Sometimes in life you have to remove yourself from a situation to get to where you need to be. A blogger friend had mentioned this before on her blog, forgot who it was. The saying is so true and real.
Oftentimes, I would back away from people- online and offline- so I won’t give off negative vibes. No one wants that or deserve that. Sometimes, I would pretend that I’m okay and post something here and there to keep my mind off of what’s going on.
However, I know, now very much, that your problems are still present unless you do something about it. Like I mentioned before, last year on a post, this is the final straw. What more can one person do to make something better, when the other person just keep being manipulative, controlling, short tempered, and a total user.
I’m not allowed to make my own decisions or even have a life. It’s like this person doesn’t want me to have freedom, AND we’re not married.
I’m to move out in a few months for this job to better myself, and I’m told I’m needed to stay to help raised his 14 y.o. daughter that have more problems than a little bit. Since she was 12, she been sexual active, cutting herself, and doing drugs.
I can’t be here for that when she comes back this summer. Did I mentioned she ran off from me because she didn’t want to go to school, and jumped in a car with a grown man!
I apologized for dumping this load on you all. I felt like I had to say this to get off my chest. I’m sick and tired of the drama and negatively.
Please, don’t ever allowed someone to do to you what this person done to me. Be better than that, you are worthy, strong, and no one deserves mistreatment.
Enjoy your weekend.
Love you all,
Before I go through this day reflecting on life, I want to leave you with these three quotes below to keep in mind.
Life is so precious. Life is our biggest teacher. We have to live this wonderful yet difficult life one day at a time. Life life to the fullest!
Rest in peace to Prince and to all the greatest people we have lost.
First off, let me say that I am NOT men-bashing or criticizing others. I’m merely sharing my opinions and experiences on the topic. Also, feel free to share your thoughts and feelings on the subject.
Lately, I have came to the conclusion to make a drastic change in my life. I have no qualms about it, but hopes that it carry on without any setbacks. No disappointments or negativity.
When you have to question yourself repeatedly whether someone cares about you or even love you; and that aren’t showing you in the fashion they are supposed to, you have to absolutely no choice but to move on. It’s like that saying goes, “you can’t make someone love you.” It’s true.
I am always seeking ways to better myself- career wise and personal. But, I’ll be damn if I’m going to change for someone who can care less if you are breathing or not.
You see, when I first started this blog four years-off and on mind you, it was to help others in the matters of love and relationships (mostly). I found out a couple of years ago that I been neglecting myself and my self-esteem went kaput. I had stayed and dealt with the controlling, abuse, the drama for my daughter. But, it’s more damaging staying than just leaving. In fact, leaving is always better said than done.
I feel that if there’s no real love that is truly, madly, and deeply and you are willing to make it work without the disrespect, miscommunication, and the unnecessary stress, you should just call it quits. Especially if years of the same thing have went by!
People play games-no, coming from where I am, men play games. They can be in their thirties even forties and can tell you what they really want out of life and will string you along within their web of lies and deceit.
Most women go through a lot because we believe the men lies. Or think their controlling, stalking ways is he loving you. No. Nowadays, it takes nearly a year to get to know a person, but, what kind of time do you have? The kind that will protect your heart from- EVERYTHING.
There are people who are searching for something real and wanting to make it work, but you just can’t toy with their feelings.
Feeling are hurt
Spirit is broken
Mind wondering what did I do to deserve this
Wanting to leave but you won’t allow it only when you say so
My mental health is a joke to you
But I will remain strong and move onward without you
To everyone else: any kind of abuse is a dangerous thing and you can not let anyone take you to down that path of destruction.
You are strong. You are beautiful. You will make it out.