Through the Veil


sad
I had walked the roads of loneliness, searching for someone or something to make me understand the truth.
Show me the truth. Show me the mirror to my soul. Make me see.
Why won’t anyone see how much this means to me? I’m not perfect nor do I try to be.
I’m just an imperfect, lost being trapped inside a world of darkness and sorrow. Grief and anguish. Despair and devastation.
Someone take me by the hand and show me the truth. I need to see what’s really behind that wall that is blocking me to view in on what I need to know.
I’m sinking. I’m in quicksand fighting my way out, from being suck in any further.
I’m fighting but growing weak. Getting weaker and weaker.
I see a person walking towards me. A silhouette of a man whose stature is strong. He’s coming closer. Closer still.
I know him. A man who gave his life to protect his own. A man who had never gave up. A man who no matter what was there to lead me and protect me.
I see his hand, reaching out to me. It’s large and strong as it gripped my small one.
I am pulled to safety. Relieved, knowing that all is well and that my troubles are gone away.
I said I missed you.
He smiled and stroked my cheek.
He said back that he is always here for me and my siblings and will always look over us.
I love him. I missed him dearly.
He was my best friend but father first. He looks down on me from the Heavens, and is here when I need him.

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Losing  someone that close is hard. But it gets better as time pass. Sometimes it seem that your whole world has crash, I know the feeling. I was devastated. Mad with God. Mad with everyone. I had refused to believe that the one person who matter so much has been taken away. It had taken a while for me to find myself. I was a total mess. I barely had a support system. Time manifested itself. I went through more issues afterwards, but I’ve gotten stronger.

It has been 11 years since my father passed and it took over half of that to get over his death. I know he would want me to move on and to live my life the best I can. I now how something to live for, my precious five-year old daughter.

Take time out for you. Find that special place that gives you that blissful moment. Time heals itself. Take all the time you need, no one expects you to overcome your grievance in a day or two. Go back to that happy place that lifts up your spirits. Keep precious memories alive.

I dedicate this post in the name of my loving, dear father, Andrell James.
I love you.

To you all,
Until we meet again,
Pamela

Crazy Heart


Motivational Speaking For You


inspirational image

We all need a little inspirational a time or two- sometimes more if needed. A little boost to help us push just a little further to reach those heights that seem unreachable. You can reach those heights, fight a little harder, and climb over the boulders that are blocking your path. Troubling times can get you down, but remember, nothing can effect you if you let it.  Like I said times before, overcome obstacles that comes your way.

Here’s a list of quotes to motivate and inspire you when you’re feeling the blues, and to remind you how special you are and not to give up. You are  special and can conquer anything. Don’t give up and remember, hard work with dedication and motivational will pay off in the long run. Enjoy!

(These quotes are not my own.)

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
Harriet Tubman

Believe with all of your heart that you will do what you were made to do.
Orison Swett Marden

Everything that happens to us leaves some trace behind; everything contributes imperceptibly to make us what we are.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There are two things to aim at in life; first to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind has achieved the second.
Logan Pearsall Smith

“In order to succeed, you must first be willing to fail.”
Anonymous

“Unless you’re willing to have a go, fail miserably, and have another go, success won’t happen.”
Phillip Adams

“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect It’s successful outcome.”
William James

“I believe life is to be lived, not worked, enjoyed, not agonized, loved, not hated.”
Leland Bartlett

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.

 

Until we meet again.

Pamela

 

 

 

Know Who You Are


When I first created my blog, K. Phoenix at the end of 2012, it was for the sole purpose of helping others and sharing real life experiences. I had seen people who had lost their way due to life throwing them a curve ball. I couldn’t reach out to all in person, but used the internet to helped those who needed inspiration and a bit of entertaining.
Let’s keep it real. We see what goes on in the world via media; albeit television, radio, internet, etc. Everywhere you look more and more bullish** goes on leaving you wonder, “What the heck is this world coming to?”
In the beginning, I used my voice and blogging style to the best of my ability, reflecting on the type of person I really am. I would post and post but if what I’m saying isn’t reaching out, what’s the point? I don’t do it to see who’ll respond back but how it affect others. What I write about, the topics I used are based on my life experiences along with the people I had come in contact with, who have been through some serious crap.
I had been writing long before K. Phoenix, writing about the same as I do on my blog. I had kept my language clean as possible trying not to offend anyone. I suppose that is why I like to write fiction, it’s much safer. When I first wrote my unpublished book a few years ago, it was too safe. I was afraid to take risks. I would wondered, “Would it sound too gutter?” So I had to rearranged the entire manuscript, and used the style I was comfortable with. A style that said I can still be me without being on that degrading scale. I am who I chose to be. Even though my manuscript is an urban erotica, I am proud of myself that I have given life to something so wonderful. Yet, during my breakthrough moment, I had allowed someone to push me backwards into the darkness; believing that I was a bad person who encourages people’s sexuality and praises good sex.
It had later gotten to the point when they told me, “Pam, don’t sell yourself through your blog, by degradation on sex and such.” Huh? Really. So I stop posting for a while and ended up coming back, playing it “safe”. But, I wasn’t happy. I am displeased with myself. First, not putting a book that took work, sweat, and tears into publication, and then not getting the known pleasure I wanted out of my blog. Oh hell no!
I’m to the point where as long as I not hurting anybody, I’m free to be me. As long as what I do is tasteful enough that my five-year daughter can look back at my work in ten years or so, and say, “I am proud of my mommy.”
I want to inspire you all and tell you not to give up on anything. Yes you may have a setback but let it be on your part, because you want to for a moment, not cause someone force the issue. Never, ever give up on your dreams. You going to have people who will not agree with or support your dreams. But, you will have twice as more people on your side pushing you to achieve even more for yourself.
Until we meet again.

Pamela

Smiles


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Smile when you are going through something

Smile when you are feeling like you are at your lowest point

Smile when you know you look good

Smile when you are feeling the blues, but are going to carry out your goals anyway

Smile when the person in your life have let you down

Smile when you know the Lord is on your side

Smile when it’s storming outside and you know everything  is alright

Smile when your children are giving you hell but you love them anyway

Smile when the biggest orgasm you receive was recent and you’re anticipating another

Smile when you never receive it but knows that it’ll happen soon

Smile when your man/woman is treating you right and taking care all of your needs

Smile when you know the Lord will send you someone who will do just that

Smile when you know one day your trials will soon be over

And smile if this poem is speaking to you.

Until we meet again.

Pamela

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Put Yourself First-2


 

A Blast From the Past- Enjoy!

Love yourself

 

 

 

What  we allow for someone to do to us, we should understand that we are giving them power to rule over us. We should take the necessary precaution to make sure that we do not go through that again. It’s hard sometimes, especially for us that love hard. But, you have to understand that you should put yourself first, not last.

 

In that song, Come Back to Me, by Janet Jackson, she speaks about trying to hold on to a love she lost and wants him to come back to her. Many of us have went through that. The torture of not being with that person you came to love. When you lose someone like that, it seems like your whole world have stop. You may have laughed, talked, made love on the beach maybe, etc. with this person. And now, the agony exists with great measure that makes you want to bawled out from under the covers and break down.

 

 

The lyrics reminded me of what I was going through and how I felt.

 

You will truly never be good enough for anyone...

You will truly never be good enough for anyone else if you are not good enough for yourself first. (Photo credit: deeplifequotes)

 

Come Back To Me

 

Looking through my old drawer
Came across the letter you wrote
Said you needed time away
That was so long ago
All my life I’ve waited
To see your smile again
In my mind I hated
Not able to let go

 

Come back to me
I’m begging you please
Come back to me
I want you to
Come back to me
I’m begging you please
Come back to me

 

Lord knows that I have tried
To live my life as one
Friends tell me to hold on
Tough times don’t last for long
My abandoned heart
Just doesn’t understand
My undying love for you
Wont let me wait

 

Come back to me
I’m begging you please
Come back to me
I want you to
Come back to me
I’m begging you please
Come back to me

 

Please come back to me
I miss you so much
Wherever you are I love you
All my life I’ve waited
To see your smile again
In my mind I hated
Not able to let golove

When we have gone through that type of love where it feels like our heart been ripped out, our soul lost, nothing else in the world seem to matter. We can’t undergo the courage to go on because love paralyzes us. Time can only tell how long we can endure.

 

Put yourself, your heart, your soul, your whole essence first. You should love yourself before allowing someone else to love. You are your first love. Can you see yourself with someone who treats you less than? You shouldn’t. And, that’s because you deserve to have passion that only love can obtain.

 

Have you ever given someone your all, and they pretty much gave you their behind to kiss? You asked yourself everyday, why does this person treats me this way? You are giving away your power. They are slowly taking a part of you away with them, leaving you weak and vulnerable. While they are going about their lives all carefree, you’re in despair, holding on in hope of a change.

My dear, let love be a boomerang. Set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be, and hopefully better than ever. If it doesn’t comes back, then you’ll know that it was for the best and your heart can move on and heal.

Until we meet again.

Pamela

 

 

 

 

 

When Love Hurts


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Love has never been my best friend. In fact, I don’t believe we even know each other. I mean it’s not like I searched out looking for love, if so, I had looked in the wrong place.

Let’s face it. We are only lucky if we are bitten by the little love bug. I have spent the majority of my life being a pushover or a doormat. I couldn’t catch a lucky break to save my life. It has gotten to the point where I had to take a breather from the deck of cards life had dealt me. Still… no luck. Love hurts…bad.

Have any of you ever felt the sweet warmth of love that envelops you like a cloak of protectiveness?
I haven’t quite experience it yet but I know the yearning. A feeling that most people spent their entire life searching for, it’s like searching for your soul mate. But, it’s either near or far, the latter usually being a state or two away.
Yet, you may believe you are ready to take that chance to jump into a relationship, but it’s like jumping off a cliff where there is water below, and huge rocks awaits you to make that fall.
I had taken risks but if I know now what I’ve known several years ago, many heartaches and headaches wouldn’t had existed.

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I wouldn’t have been left with a heavy heart filled with pain and sorrow, and painful memories flooding my mind. I wouldn’t have felt so defeated, feeling that the world is on my shoulders and pushing me into the ground. I wouldn’t have taken that path of no return wondering when I was going to see my way to a better and brighter day. What I do know now is that you only get stronger. Your painful experiences with strengthen you; and gives you knowledge on what to avoid and what to expect.

Love hurts but it doesn’t have to be. Look at the couples you see in your surroundings. They are happy, they work out their differences, and they communicate.
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But, they will have hiccups along the way, who doesn’t, but one has to have understanding, patience, faith, and be able to sacrifice. They are willing to do whatever it takes to make what they put together work for the long run. They don’t give up when things are going at its toughest. No, they persevere until everything is right where it should be, and how it should be.
Nothing is easy. If you have that person who is willing to make a relationship work no matter what, then you have a good thing.
Keep love circulating.

Until we meet again.

Pamela

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